Response to Essay Feedback

I just read the feedback that Professor Scott sent me on my essay.  I was very excited after reading this because it seems that I am definitely headed in the right direction and have handled the genre (personal/anecdotal) very well.  One suggestion that Professor Scott gave was to show more of my own thoughts throughout the essay.  I mainly focused on descriptions and story-telling about the day that I spent in my community, rather than on my own thoughts during the site visit.  When I revise my essay, I am going to try and put more of my own thought and opinion into the essay to help the reader understand how I felt.  That was a very good suggestion.

I also plan on trying to correct my "scenes of a play" theme.  I sort of felt before I turned it in that it was not fully clear how the scenes switched, and Ms. Scott suggested I fix this.  I think I just need to make the paragraphs flow better and make it clear what events occur in each scene.  I think these two suggestions will be very helpful in organizing my essay and making it more obvious what I am trying to convey to the reader.