How I did in class this week...

I decided to write about how I did in class this week since my essay was due Wednesday and we did a lot of work with that.  Overall, I was very proud of myself.  Last weekend when I was writing my first draft, I felt sort of at a standstill.  However, during the week when I was writing my draft that was due on Wednesday, I really picked my essay apart and made a lot of changes.  I am fairly happy with the way things turned out, and I feel that I have sort of grown as a writer.  I am not at all used to writing personal essays, so this was sort of exploratory for me.  I took a broad look at the essay and took a step back to look at the purpose.  Also, the comments from the peer revision sort of helped me to realize that the reader was not feeling my intended effect.  

I hope that this next week and in the future I can start using my group time more wisely.  While I feel like I made a lot of positive changes, I would like to start getting more feedback from others and work off their ideas as well.

Thoughts about my essay draft...

I just wrote my draft for tomorrow's workshop, and I really had a hard time finishing it.  I intended for this essay to be a personal and narrative essay about my experience at BHS.  I wanted to discuss the changing dynamic in the three classrooms I was studying.  However, after I told my story, I felt like there was nothing to say.  I didn't want to make the transition from a first hand narrative to an informational conclusion, but that's where I felt my essay was headed.  I ended up not really ending the essay, and I'm hoping to get some feedback before I find a better direction for my writing.

What makes a good essay

I just finished reading "Encountering the Essay" and "Essayists on the Essay", and I thought they were very interesting essays.  In "Essayists on the Essay", it seems that the different essayists were at times contradicting each other, because they all shared different opinions on what an essay means and consists of.  In "Encountering the Essay", it seems that they really focused on creativity and personal writing, demeaning the idea of writing the typical five paragraph essay.  

I think a good essay must consist of organization and a meaning.  Personal essays must have a point to them, and cannot just explain an event that has no significance for the reader.  I also think that an essay should speak to the reader and address issues that the readers are interested in as well as know something about.  I think an essay should also be appropriate for what the topic is.  As the essays we read stated, no good essay should really be written towards a topic that someone prescribed.  However, an essay writer should try and consider what direction their essay is headed and try and stay on that topic.  I also think that essays really need to be concise and catchy.  It is really hard to get through an essay as a reader when it is unorganized and has nothing unique about it.  Even research essays can include this.

My essay seems to be lacking organization and focus at this point.  I feel that I am mostly just describing my field work in my essay rather than bringing it all to a conclusion.  My essay does not successfully make a statement about my community, which is my aim for the end product.  When writing my final draft, I really want to try and create a more concrete focus as well as make the essay more concise and obvious.  I will try and reduce the "fluff", while still keeping the essay creative and fun.

Week 8 post

I was reading over the topics that Prof. Scott gave us, and I thought the most appropriate one would be "What do you think are some of the most important decisions writers make when they approach a writing task?" since we are starting to do that with our essays.  First of all, writers need to think about what the focus of their essay is.  As our class on Wednesday showed, there are many different ways to go upon writing an essay.  I think the writer really needs to think about how they are going to approach the essay and what is appropriate for their topic.  This also correlates to the audience.  A writer needs to identify his or her audience.  Once they have done that, they can write to their audience.  

Another important aspect of the essay that the writer needs to think about is their tone.  If the writing is a scientific essay it will probably have a more serious tone than a satire that is telling a story from the past.  In finding the tone that they want to use, writers should also consider what they want to invoke in the audience.  Do they want the audience to feel comic relief or a sense of panic and horror? The way that one writes can greatly change these moods.  Lastly, the writer needs to have an outline or some sort of organization.  It would probably be much more effective if the writer sets aside the research they may use and the different quotes or rhetorical questions they might want to add.  Organization was one of the main characteristics that our class agreed that a well written essay possesses.  

Response to the Corrections made to my Research Proposal

I received a lot of guidance in the revisions that Professor Scott made. In my proposal, I decided to ask for research rather than money, because I don't really need money in order to research my small community. However, I wasn't being specific enough about which type of research I needed, so I think I will try to fix that. I also was being too vague with the problem I was addressing. When I was talking about the "new society", I was basically referring to the more diverse classrooms because I feel that diversity leads to student's being able to express their difference in opinions and beliefs rather than one right way to do everything. However, I probably should focus my research question more so that the reader understands what I mean by "new society".

Some of the more organizational issues that I plan to fix are the way that I put information into different sections. When writing the proposal, I used the method of just writing what I thought was necessary and then sort of sectioning it off in a way I thought made sense. However, I think some of my information belongs elsewhere. For example, I was a little unsure of what was supposed to go in the objectives section, and Professor Scott clarified that for me. Lastly, I plan on fixing my References section, because I am using MLA format, which I did not correctly follow the guidelines for. All of these suggestions will definitely benefit my proposal and make it more focused and appropriate.

Response to 3 essays

The first essay I read was "The Stunt Pilot".  This essay first had an abstract that explained what Annie Dillard was researching in order to write this essay.  This essay reminded me a lot of what we are assigned to do in this English class.  Dillard used a lot of the "rewriting" tactics in this essay.  She used her observations to give the reader an example of what she saw when flying with Rahm.  She also uses quotes towards the end of the essay when summing up her observations.  These quotes, along with references to other artists such as Jackson Pollock and Beethoven, help to show a comparison between the stunt pilot and other arts.  I also liked the structure because she told it like a story, yet it was organized into sections and easy to follow.

The next essay that I read was "Ali in Havana".  This essay was also sort of an observation essay and did not seem to have as much objection as the last essay.  For example, when Talese describes Stevenson's wives, he simply says "His first wife was a dance instructor.  His second was an industrial engineer..." rather than giving his opinion of how many wives this man had and how different they were (266).  This essay is also a story because it starts out with several pages of background explanation, which is then followed by dialogue.  It has an introduction, dialogue which is the thick of the action, and then ends with the ending of their conversation.  This helps to make the essay a story and more readable.

The main characteristic that I see different in "Silent Dancing" is a lot more objective speech.  Ortiz describes the events that she observes, and in between observations adds italicized sections with what she saw on the home video.  This gives this essay a different organization, but definitely helps the reader to get a sense for her perception of the past through how she observed it at the time compared with how she observes it on film.  Ortiz uses examples such as Odysseus searching for his dead mother in Hades to help her work on this essay.  This is definitely a tactic we learned in Rewriting.  The ending of this essay is very unique and not as objective as the rest.  Ortiz talks of seeing herself in her father's face, and adds in her own thoughts as an ending to this essay.  This gives the end of the story and sums up her observations.

Revising part 2

I just met with Professor Scott, and it helped me a lot.  I understand better how I can actually improve my proposal and have a few different ideas on how to forward my work.  I'm finding it hard because I keep presenting material rather than talking about what I plan to research.  Since my field is education, there is already a lot of information on this subject out there, which makes it hard for me to make my topic original.  I do definitely have a better feel for ways to improve my proposal though.  I want to address the American Educational Research Society and describe Blacksburg High School to them.  I also need to address what I want from them and maybe put a timeline for my "research"? In my Plan of Action section, I need to be more specific as well.  Thanks for all the help today Ms. Scott!

Revising my Research Proposal

What's your project? 

My project is researching the changes in teaching methods that need to be made in order to deal with the change in the education system in the new society we live in.  I want to propose a way in which teachers can transform their classrooms in order to better involve and interest students.  

What works?

Ways that I thought I could build strength on my draft is addressing how my research would benefit those who I am writing for.  I can make my audience more specific and make my aims a little bit more clear in my research proposal.

What else might be said?

I have been thinking about aiming my research proposal towards the American Educational Research Society instead of just Blacksburg High School.  If I do this, I may need to change the way I address the issues in education by making my research proposal more scholarly and my arguments more sophisticated.  I also may change some of the different sections including my methods, which may need to focus on specifics rather than general ways in going about my research.

What's next?

I am hoping that the research society can help me with information and research that will help high school teachers in transforming their classrooms so that the students learn better.  Gaining this extra research from the society will make my arguments stronger help to prove that the methods I propose would be effective.